Scientific Method
by akinorev
Summary: Bulma Briefs, first and foremost, is a scientist. Even when seducing sexy Saiyan princes...
1. Chapter 1

Step 1: Ask a Question

Bulma Briefs is many things. But, she is, first and foremost, a scientist. As a scientist, it is in her nature to be curious, to ask questions, to want to know why. Her scientific heart soars in the presence of the unknown; she seeks to discover and uncover, to unravel the truth behind mysteries, intrigues and controversies. The source of her heightened curiosity, you ask? Well, nothing else but everyone's favorite prince, Vegeta himself.

It started with a silly question, really, answerable by yes-or-no even, yet every self-respecting, decent guy is hesitant to answer either for the sake of their sanity or self-preservation.

"Vegeta, am I fat? Is that why Yamcha had to have an extra-boyfriend/girlfriend affair with this bimbo of a model?" Bulma sniffles while clenching today's tabloid in her hands. "I mean, yes she's got nice, long legs but she's so skinny! No boobs, no booties! I bet her boobs are as flat as her stomach! Look at that obviously fake blonde platinum hair! Obviously, she's an airhead bimbo! And her ass, straight as a ruler! And I bet you can punch her in the face and she won't even feel it! That's how plastic it is! What did he see in her? Are you even listening to me?"

Vegeta, who has just finished his shower after 48 hours of regimented masochistic torture, or training as he calls it and is on his way to the kitchen for well-needed nourishment in nothing but a towel, pinches the bridge of his nose with his thumb and forefinger. His face is contorted as if in agonizing, mental pain. "Should've just flown in through the window…" he mumbles under his breath.

"Dammit, Vegeta, answer me! Am I fat or what? Aren't my boobs perky enough?"

"Oh, for the love of…Stupid woman! Your incessant and obnoxious screeching can be heard around up to Kakarot's house! Your impropriety never ceases to astou…"

As he twirled around to face her, Vegeta freezes with the sight of her, big, blue eyes narrowed, rosy mouth puckered in an O-shape as if about to scream more at him, and her slender hands pushing up her boobs together. And all she is wearing is a big, white shirt and obviously, a pair of undies with no pants. Vegeta has never seen a more appealing sight.

After a few more minutes of him staring at her wide-eyed, Bulma tentatively yet softly asks "Vegeta?"

This seems to snap Vegeta out of whatever cat has gotten his tongue. He faces away, clears his throat, and with a near invisible blush in his bronze face, he says "You are more than fat, woman. You are hideous as always, and it is no wonder that your pathetic excuse of a mate would seek out other females." And with that, he scurries away.

Normally, such a response would've greatly incensed Bulma to the point of threatening to dismantle his precious gravity machine, but not today, it seems. She has seen the flickering yet heated interest in his dark eyes as they roved over her, the way they drank in the sight of her in a white shirt like a man dying of thirst.

Dr. Briefs' beloved cat, Kitty, enters the room and scratches her side along Bulma's leg. "Hey, Kitty, do you think he likes me?" she muses as she absent-mindedly scratches the cat behind its ears, which has looked at her with such disbelief etched on its tiny, furry face. While sporting a cat-that-nearly-got-the-canary smile on her face, Yamcha and the bimbo model very much forgotten, Bulma's scientific heart has started to whir at the speed of light and Vegeta wouldn't know what hit him.


	2. Chapter 2

Step 2: Do Background Research and Construct a Hypothesis

Patience is a virtue. Unfortunately, Bulma is not virtuous enough to be patient with pig-headed, arrogant, impossibly rude Saiyan princes, who, after the whole "Vegeta, am I fat?" fiasco last week, seems to be in a darker and fouler disposition than ever. He has destroyed the gravity machine thrice in a single week ("Woman! Old man! Your blasted, useless machine is broken again!"), made impossible demands fit into impossible deadlines ("I want a life-size training bot that is programmed with each and every one of Kakarot's techniques and I want it NOW!"), threatened some of Capsule Corp's most loyal employees into resigning ("If you value your lowly life, you human scum, you shall get out of my sight and never come back lest I blast you to oblivion!"), terrorized the Briefs' pet humungous and ferocious dinosaurs into docility ("WWWRRRAAAWR!"), went head-to-toe against Bulma in daily arguments over the silliest things("If you have even half a brain, you twit, you shall not touch MY meal or I shall severe your thieving hand and feed it to your overgrown lizards!") , made a mess of the usually composed Dr. Briefs after threatening to skin Kitty alive ("I will skin you alive, you disgusting furball, if you dare hiss at me again!"), and even made the usually bubbly, unperturbed Mrs. Briefs burst into tears after decimating half her garden and destroying her precious, delicate china tea set ("No one shall make the Prince of All Saiyans wait, especially not for stupid-smelling, blasted plants!"). Needless to say, the entire Capsule Corp is thrown into pandemonium indeed.

It has been a very, very tiring day as Bulma rubs her forehead and pops a couple of pills in her mouth to ease her migraine. She has foolishly thought that he would at least be nicer to her after she has found out of his little crush on her. Perhaps, the lustful look he has given her that day has been nothing more but a figment of her imagination.

A look into the mirror quickly and effectively banishes her doubts away. "Naah. No guy has ever resisted me before and unless he's gay, he definitely finds me attractive. I mean, look at me: I am fucking beautiful Bulma Briefs! Every man falls at my feet…oh, wait…every man…"

A sudden epiphany strikes her. "Every man…he is not just a man…of course, he's a prince for goodness' sake! He IS attracted to me, like the next guy, but won't act on it 'cause he's got too much of that princey pride thing going on. So if I really want him to want me, though for the life of me, why would I want his arrogant ass to want me when…well, speaking of ass, he really has the cutest, tightest bum…oh, whatever… I'll have to be the pursuer and him the pursuee…but to do that…other than him being rude and the last prince of all Saiyans, I know next to nothing about him….he hardly talks about himself…"

A gust of wind disrupts her thought process and Goku's ever cheerful visage appears before her. "Hiya, Bulma!"

Bulma's eyes twinkle with surprise and delight. "Goku! Just the man I'm looking for! Come and take a seat here in this very comfy chair! You want some juice, cake?hey, Goku...well, you see, I need your help…oh no not about Yamcha, I haven't seen him lately. It's about Vegeta actually…"

The next day, Bulma eyes her prey from the rim of her dainty espresso cup as they sit in the kitchen for a late breakfast. Her conversation with Goku has proven to be insightful and has convinced her further that he needs her help to release some of his pent-up anger and frustration positively, preferably in the form of wild monkey sex. and with such a dismal past as he had, he will probably need longer sex therapy sessions. Of course, having sex with him is just to help his body regulate and release more of that happy hormone, endorphin, if not for the sake of his mental health, then for the peace of mind of everyone in Capsule Corp. Well, at least that is how she rationalized her plans.

"Hey, Veggie!"

His answering glare could've melted the ice caps off the North Pole. "Wench, what do you want?"

"Why, to have breakfast, of course! And in case it has slipped your tiny Saiyan brain, this is MY house. My house, my rules. So I'm free to do whatever I want."

His dark glare darkens further when he saw the tiny shorts and tank she was wearing. If looks could kill, she'd either be dead or eaten by now.

"Indecent wench" he grumbles and stands up to leave the kitchen.

"Hey, where you goin'? Don't tell me you got scared of me, huh wittle Veggie…?" she coos.

And that is how, 2 pancake stacks (drowned in with chocolate syrup in true-blue demonstration of Sweet Tooth-itis), a dozen of over easy eggs , a box of red velvet cake (he likes the blood red color), a gallon of low-fat, vanilla ice cream (summer sure is in full swing), and a carton of chocolate milk later (hmm…chocolate lover, how sexy…), all consumed by Vegeta of course, that the two of them found themselves later: him devouring all the food, and her eyeing him like he is food. It seems though, that he is not only the Prince of all Saiyans, but the Prince of Pokerface, as well, as he remains either oblivious or unaffected by the coy looks she kept on shooting at him. It is time to change tactics, it seems.

"Hey, Veggie, will you pass me the chocolate syrup?" Bulma asks with a pleasant (and sort-of-creepy) smile on her face.

Vegeta stops shoveling food in his mouth long enough to send her a glare which has been known to frighten grown men out of their wits. He sneers, "Get it yourself you lazy wench" and resumes eating.

Having anticipated his nasty response, Bulma has kept the creepily pleasant smile on her face. "Okay." She stands up from her seat, leans across the table and reaches for the chocolate syrup near Vegeta's left arm.

Staring straight into his face, she huskily whispers "Do you want some, Veggie?"

Vegeta looks up from his food, his nose assaulted by her pleasant strawberry scent, finds her chest in direct line of his vision, and his eyes widen comically to the size of dinner plates. Oh, what a fine and warm day to go all au naturel in the shirt department!

Vegeta, with his eyes riveted to Bulma's twin female charms, audibly gulps and hastily jumps up from the table. "I…I have tr-training to do…" he stutters and scampers off.

Kitty, after having sensed her arch-enemy Vegeta leave the kitchen, jumps and sits on Vegeta's vacated chair and waits patiently for some breakfast. She is rewarded by a piece of well-cooked egg.

"You should've seen his face, Kitty…it was priceless…he likes me, I just know it…" Bulma discloses, her smile getting creepier by the second.

This time, Kitty shoots a rather sympathetic look in the direction Vegeta has taken, cocks her tiny kitty head to the side, and happily resumes eating.


	3. Chapter 3

Step 3: Test the Hypothesis by Doing an Experiment

Bulma could not remember the last time she had so much fun without subjecting herself to dire 'life or death' situations, never mind the fact that it is usually Goku or the other members of the Z gang who actually put themselves in harm's way while she cheers and looks on from the sidelines. After the prince's little display in the kitchen, she has taken to wearing the tiniest, most fashionable clothes without looking like a promiscuous woman ("Hey, Veggie, don't you think this sundress is too small on me? I mean it just reaches mid-thigh…I remember specifically asking for a certain size and the dress shop probably have mixed up the orders…"), found innocent excuses to touch him and check him out ("Hey, Veggie, a really big mosquito just bit you on your back. Want me to rub some ointment on it?"), and tried every technique in the book to get him to open up to her ("Hey, Veggie, what image do you see in this Rorschach Inkblot diagram? How many windows are there in your childhood home? Eh, want me to predict your future using tarot cards? How about the horoscope, when's your birthday? "). Needless to say, Vegeta's ears have been rather red nowadays, either from embarrassment or anger Bulma cannot be sure. Unfortunately for Bulma, she is about to have a taste of her own medicine.

"That is enough, you indecent wench!" Vegeta has roared at her after she has asked his opinion on whether or not booty shorts make the legs appear longer. "What the fuck do I care about the garbage you choose to wear? It is aggravating enough that you prance around in those…those things! And now, now you have the audacity to…to…whatever! I do not give a flying monkey fuck as to what you fucking wear! Nor do I give a fuck about what rubbish belief system your backward mudball has to offer! Stars or planets or asteroids or black holes do not, I repeat, DO NOT have any influence on how I live my fucking life! Next time you show those blasted paper contraptions to my face, I shall blast them once and for all! And I do not need your coddling! I am the Prince of Saiyans and I DO NOT NEED YOUR STUPID CODDLING! Wench, are you listening to me?"

Bulma's brain, however, has ceased all mental operations and she is staring absentmindedly at his naked, bronze, sculpted torso. "Flying monkey fuck…wow...just wow…sounds kinky too…"

Vegeta rubs his face in agitation. "Holy flying monkey fuck…is that all you got from all that I said, you stupid woman?"

"Uh huh…" comes the distracted reply.

Bulma is startled out of her reverie when the center of her attention, Vegeta's abs, shifted and blurred. Looking up, she found herself face-to-face with Vegeta, his arms trapping her against the wall. Her breath hitches and her throat suddenly becomes dry.

"Bulma…" she hears him purr in a velvety smooth voice and her eyes widen in response. He leans into her, a finely-shaped, manly forefinger tracing a burning path on her neck. His eyes radiating sex and sin, he makes a deliberate show of looking her body up and down and she unknowingly licked her suddenly dry lips. He leans even closer to her, his mouth a mere half inch away from hers and whispers, "Interesting…but I think I'll pass." He gives her a self-satisfied smirk and fazes from view.

Sliding down the wall, she is still staring at the spot where he had been when the ever nosy Kitty saunters in and looks up at her disheveled figure. "Meow?"

"Oh, my Kami…" Bulma's voice is nothing but a husky whisper. "He's bad man, Kitty, a very, very bad man…but I think some alone time with me would definitely do him good…"

A/N: Three paragraphs worth of Kitty cuteness next chapter to compensate for her super minor role here! :p


	4. Chapter 4

Step 4: Communicate Your Results

"WRETCHED WENCH! What the fuck happened to my fucking gravity machine?" The prince's thunderous yell can be heard throughout the entire Capsule Corp complex, sending a flock of summer birds into early migration, and the Briefs' resident animals into premature hibernation. His equally thunderous footsteps follow immediately after.

Despite the derogatory names he has taken to calling her lately, Bulma, who has been lounging near the Olympic size pool, could not help but hide her Cheshire smile behind the latest issue of Vogue, the mirth in her eyes concealed by the humongous pair of shades she is wearing. Indeed, Operation "Put the Little Monkey to Bed" is in full swing. Payback is a bitch, albeit a stylish bitch.

"Yes, Veggie?" Bulma pleasantly asks, her blue eyes trained on him as her hand traced swirls on the glass of her ice cold lemonade, a bottle of chocolate syrup beside it. He appears before her, freshly showered and agitated, and yells, "Fucking wench! Where the fuck is my fucking gravity machine? How the fuck would I train to defeat the fucking tin cans to save your fucking mudball? How the fuck will I achieve the Legendary and defeat that fucking idiot Kakarot if I can't train? What the fuck are you doing lazying around? Do you have any fucking idea how many of your fucking pathetic subordinates are fucking slacking and ogling your hideousness right now?" He proceeds to glare at each and every ogling guy, from the ones across the road to the ones at the top of Capsule Corp tower, who, of course, trembled in fear and backed away.

"Wow, that was a lot of 'fuck'! Careful, Veggie, people would think you haven't gotten laid in a long time" Bulma teases with a wink. When all she got is a dark scowl and matching dark glare, she sighs, "Chill out, Vegeta. I was just relaxing, if you must know. I've had a long, busy week and I need some time to myself before I go crazy. You should try it sometime, you know. And those guys know they can look but they can't touch" At this, Vegeta's frown deepens.

"I think you've scared them off anyway…and your gravity machine….um, well…" Bulma trails off.

"Well? Last I checked it, woman, which is merely 5 hours ago, mind you, it is running perfectly fine. And now all of a sudden it won't activate. Did you fuck around with it?" he asks in a deceitfully soft voice, his dark eyes narrowed intimidatingly at her, as if daring her to displease him.

Bulma gulps, sucks in a long breath, opens her mouth then closes it, and repeats the process 3 more times .

The corner of Vegeta's mouth twitches "You look like a fish out of water, woman…"

Knowing how stupid she must have looked, Bulma's cheeks burn bright red and she musters the courage to tell him the truth, or at least part of it. "Umm, you see…the gravity machine is a brilliant and innovative creation by yours truly and when I designed it, it was supposed to last for at least 5 years, at least until when the android thing is over. Umm, but at the rate you use it, you know, non-stop use for 2-3 days, frequent ki blasts, overheating every time you power up, which is not very healthy for the machine, mind you but you never listen anyway so…"

She is cut off her ramblings and looks up at him when he clears his throat. Yup, still dark glaring eyes. "Well, it had to be rebooted someday okay? I figured now is as good a time as any…so, no, you can't use it today."

The prince releases a long-suffering and tired sigh and rolls his eyes (Why me, Kami, why me?). "Fine, I'll give you 24 hours and when I get my machine back, it better be better than new, got it? For now, sparring with Kakarot will have to do…Kakarot? I don't sense that idiot and his brat on this blasted mudball!"

"Oh, well Piccolo had to go somewhere off-planet and do something and he brought Goku and Gohan with him too…they borrowed one of dad's spaceship last night…"

A vein in the prince's temple throbs. "Went somewhere to do something? What kind of fucked-up explanation is that? Are you mocking my intellect, woman? Are you hiding something, you conniving wench?"

Bulma laughs nervously, and in signature Goku style, scratches the back of her head. "Oh, ha-ha…of course not! Well, you know Piccolo, he's not anything like the rest of the Z gang…very secretive guy, that one…"

After a few minutes of hm staring down his nose at her, Vegeta looks away, pinches the bridge of his nose, counts inaudibly from 1 to 10 and asks, "Where's the old man?"

"Umm…my dad attended a science conference and mom tagged along….they should be back tonight."

"So, what am I supposed to do now?" Vegeta looks at the verge of pulling his own hair out.

"Ummm….relax?" Bulma suggests.

"Relax. Lazy, Stupid Wench, the Prince of All Saiyans DOES NOT RELAX!"

"Well, it's better than doing nothing on your sorry ass!" Bulma stands up from her perch on the lounge chair, and is about to give him a bigger piece of her mind, when she notices his eyes trained on her, or rather, the sliver of porcelain skin she has unknowingly displayed to him when her oversized see-through shirt slipped down her shoulder.

"Wench, what are you wearing…?"

Bulma's confidence, which was all but gone when he first started interrogating her, returns full force and overflowing. Removing the shades from her eyes, she unleashes the intensity of her baby blues on him. "Hmm…I don't know about you…but I'm feeling kinda hot today…" she said as she downs the contents of her lemonade. Keeping her eyes on him, she picks up an ice cube and slowly sucks on it. Throwing her see-through shirt over her head, her red bikini is on full display to Vegeta's dark and dilated eyes. "But you're free to join me…"

Vegeta knows an invitation when he hears one, and a devastatingly wicked smirk slowly appears on his face. "Oh? Well, since there is nothing to do around this stupid mud ball, I suppose…What was that you humans say? Ah, yes, as long as there are no strings attached…." he says, as he untangles the string of Bulma's bikini top, who has hooked her right leg on his hip. Their mouths meet, and in a frenzy of clothes, skin, ice and chocolate, they find themselves in Bulma's room.

A few hours later, Bulma, her head resting on Vegeta's wide back, is dazedly staring at the ceiling. "Flying monkey fuck…wow...just wow…"

Vegeta, who has been lying on his stomach with his arm dangling off the bed, merely grunts. "Now that you're satisfied, wench, you better get rid of that bug you put on my gravity machine, unless you want those tin cans to destroy your beloved mudball."

Bulma scrambles up to look down at him. "What? You knew? Did you hear me talking to Kitty? Ummm, you're not angry, are you? I mean, we just had sex and all…"

"No, as long as I get my machine back."

"Phew! At least that's one person off my 'Kill Bulma' list. Kami knows Piccolo won't be pleased to know that I sent them on a wild goose space chase! Oh, and Chi-chi, too! She was raving mad when I called her to send Goku and Gohan off with him…And at least Mom would be able to get some Bahamas shopping done, while dad…" Bulma trails off when she notices her pillow, Vegeta's back, is shaking. "Hey, what the…"

Vegeta suddenly flips them over, a pleased smirk in place as he looks down at her. "You'll make a very bad criminal, woman. You spill your evil plans too easily…"

"Oh, brother…I really should shut my mouth up sometimes…"

"Indeed. Fortunately for you, woman, I have other uses for that trap you call a mouth…" Vegeta says as he lowers his mouth to hers.

Meanwhile, our favorite feline, Kitty, is playing, well, cat-and-mouse, with a small, mechanical rodent meticulously designed by none other than Dr. Briefs. The practically indestructible contraption comes with pre-loaded authentic mouse squeaks, Artificial Mouse Intelligence (AMI), a soft, gnaw-able body (since the well-mannered Kitty does not eat dirty house mice, thank you very much!), and rechargeable batteries for endless hours of mouse-hunting and chewing fun. Ah, the perks of being the genius cat of the genius Dr. Briefs, his equally genius daughter Bulma, and his not-so-genius wife! Now, if only Bulma's 'bad man' would go away, life would be so much better.

The mechanical mouse zooms down the hallway and as she scampers to catch it, Kitty notices something out of the ordinary: clothes strewn on the floor. My, if the neat freak Mrs. Briefs (who once sobbed "Kitty, you should keep your poo-poo inside the litter box!" while pinching her nose shut. Really, Mrs. Briefs, Kitty's poo-poo does not smell that bad; it just needs getting used to. Besides, shouldn't the stuff inside the 'litter box' be, well, littered? Humans are such confusing creatures!) is here, she would never allow this mess.

Kitty looks from the clothes to the direction her mouse has gone, and her pointy ears twitch once, twice, before deciding to check out the anomaly in the hallway. Oh, well, Dr. Briefs can always make more toys for her, while Bulma can probably make a pretty, neon pink mouse. She sniffs out the clothes; they are worn by either Bulma or 'bad man'. The clothes trail ends with a red, pointy shoe in front of Bulma's bedroom door, and being the curious cat she is, Kitty pokes her head inside the room. What she sees made her wide eyes widen more, her hackles to raise, her tail to stand stiff, and her nose to turn into an endearing shade of Rudolph red. Retreating into the safety of the hallway, Kitty merely shakes her head. Humans are confusing creatures indeed.

Later that night, Dr. Briefs and his wife have arrived home from the trip Bulma has orchestrated for them. "Bulma sweetie! We're hooome!" the ever bubbly Mrs. Briefs sings from the foyer, rousing the attention of Kitty, who immediately scampers to them. "Meow!"

"Hello there, dear Kitty! I hope you've been very good to Bulma and Vegeta while we were gone, huh? Oh, I bought a lot of fresh tuna for you!" Dr. Briefs scoops Kitty up and perches her on her favorite spot, his shoulder.

Bulma enters the foyer a few seconds later, her face flushed and her breathing nearly labored. "Oh, hey, mom, dad! How's the trip?"

"It was delightful, Bulma dearest! The spa you recommended was wonderful! But, look at you, sweetie, you look rosy! Did something happen while we were gone?" Mrs. Briefs gushes as she slightly pushes Bulma away from her embrace to look at her beaming daughter.

"Oh…ha-ha…nothing really…just scientific stuff to do…just stuff us scientists do…" Bulma nervously says, her face beet red. Look like Mrs. Brief is not that blonde after all…

Kitty, who is happy to be reunited with Dr. Briefs again, merely rolls her eyes. 'Yeah, right…'

A/N: The end. Hope you liked it, though I think the plot is rather hasty, like "Wanna do the deed with me? Sure!" I gotta admit that this story is supposed to be a PWP (Plot? What Plot?). Unfortunately, I found out I don't have enough _balls_ (guts, audacity, gall) and _marbles_ (imagination, creativity, blah) to write a hard-core Lemon which is supposed to contain some kinky action with ice and chocolate syrup. I have written the entire thing last week, and all that was missing was the pre-Lemon and Lemon scenes, but I just wanted to get this done and over with, so no lemon for now. Anyway, I'm pretty sure I'll write one someday. Thanks for reading and reviewing, everyone!


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